Go Fly a Kite Why Don't Ya?

After a trip to see the parents this weekend I'm settling in for the week to come.  I've went through my normal routine of checking email, FB, Craigslist and the NCESC for any job prospects.  Thankfully I'm finally getting some positive feedback from a few places and it looks like the unemployment line may be a lot shorter than I expected.

That being said, I worry...a lot.  More so this time than I ever had and can't say exactly why.  I think part of it has to do with the stark reality that I could very well be accepting a job that could relocate our family...again.  Nothing is for certain but the possibility is there none the less.  This bothers me because I don't want our kids to necessarily live the nomadic life that me and Cindy have lived for most of our married life. (In case you're keeping count, we've moved more times than I've had birthdays...no kidding).  I know kids are flexible and they bounce back but it still unnerves me none the less.  I know how it is to be forever the new kid in a new town and it ain't no picnic people.

Part of it is that I've been taking family life a lot more serious the past few years and trying to wear the dad hat the best that I can.  Western culture dictates that dads almost above all must provide for their families.  I know this is the part where some of you may say that I should lean more on the statement that "God provides for my family" and I don't immediately dismiss this.  I'm not going to lie though and say that part of me doesn't say "well yeah...but try telling that to your creditors...".  It's human nature for most of us and until I have a miracle in a spiritual or pharmaceutical way I doubt that's going away any time soon.

Still though...part of it I can't explain.  The emotions attached to this situation have been really intense for me and to try and find any kind of medium has been a real struggle.  Thankfully though, there have been some serious positives that have come out of this little adventure so far.

I've found an incredible outlet in martial arts.  I have met some amazing people in our classes the past couple of months and have built some very healthy relationships.  This has kept me focused, motivated and on the really tough days...sane.  If we have to move away, I'm really going to miss these people along with all of the relationships we've built here in this area.

There have also been moments, albeit fleeting ones, with my family that have had such strong meaning to me.  Watching some lame TV show with Cindy and laughing about it the whole time.  Seeing Sam take up for some random little girl at a park and being an awesome guy.  Marlee, having her little headphones on, screaming "Daddy" and when I reply she simply yells back "I LOVE YOU".  Finding yourself in your parents field beside their house, flying kites with your kids and for a few short breaths....the world just melts away.

It's hard for me to replace my own worry right now with the truths I've cerebrally absorbed about God taking care of all things for the good.  No matter the circumstance though, there is no denying his presence in those small, fleeting moments I have experienced as of late and for that I'm truly thankful.