It was just after lunch. I came back to my desk and I saw the note sitting there. It was a directive to report to the conference room. There, in that cramped little room, rock turned into sand, light turned to darkness, and the world as I knew it came crashing down. "You have 30 minutes to pack your things and exit the property". Lay-offs know no friends and spare no feelings.
This is how 2008 ended for me. With our marriage already in dire straits and two young babies lives in the balance, I honestly thought "This is it. This is how it all falls apart". I lost my job, we lost our house, we lost our vehicle, we we're losing our very existence.
It was in this moment though, in the chaos, the wreckage, we had to make the most critical decision we have ever made. Do we succumb to the ever crashing waves or do we grab each other's hand and fight with everything in us? I wish I could say that we met each other in the middle but that wouldn't be true. The strongest person I've ever known grabbed me by the hand and said, I'm not ready to give up. It was in that moment that Cindy bravely stood in the gap for our family and for that I'm forever grateful.
Since that time we've had to make some difficult decisions and hard choices. When other families were moving into bigger and nicer homes, we were downsizing to a single wide trailer. When our friends we're buying new vehicles, I was working on junkers in our driveway. When people around us went on big vacations, we would take our kids to the swingsets near our little trailer.
When opportunities eventually arose to go after employment, we left our family, our friends, our home,...everything we knew...and forged a new existence...one box and one mile at a time. This is what we chose. The road less traveled. For us, failure was no longer an option. If we went down, we went down together, hand in hand.
Fast forward to tonight. We're all sleeping in the now second house that we just bought, I have a pretty nice driveway to work on our cars now, and we can take a few days off from time to time to head to the beach if we want to. All of this because a decade ago, Cindy reached for my hand, not ready to give up.
Tomorrow Cindy starts a new journey. She re-enters the workforce with the career she had before Sam and Marlee came along. The one she selflessly gave up to be the best mom she could be for our little ones. I know she's nervous, excited, and kinda scared. This will be a big adjustment for our family, especially for her. It's the realization that we are starting a new phase in our lives. To start this next step is to aknowledge that our babies aren't babies anymore. Sam is taller than Cindy now and Marlee isn't far away. I know in part the feeling of having to leave your children when you have a career but that's through the eyes of someone who merely saw the birth of their children, not through the eyes of the one who gave birth to them.
I sat down this past week and attempted to explain this to Sam and Marlee as best as I could. I think they understand in the only way an 11 and soon to be 13 year old can. I've also talked to Cindy countless times about schedules, plans, back up plans, you name it. All of this in attempt to calm nerves and ease minds. I know Cindy is still staring into the unknown though. I know she's still nervous, excited, and scared.
It will be an adjustment but she's strong... stronger than most people realize...stronger than anyone I know. We've faced difficult times and had to make the hard choices. She was strong then, she's strong now.
I can never repay her for standing in the gap for our family a decade ago but it's my heart's desire to spend the rest of this life trying to just the same. Tonight, when I go to bed, I'll reach for Cindy's hand and let her know that I love her like crazy and to not give up.
"You and me against the world...I don't mind."
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