The tale of two Zebras

Zebra - a striped, 4 legged animal that lives in the wild...also...sports slang for a referee...

It's been a while since I've seen Marlee this upset.  This wasn't your normal, 11 year old, my brother is annoying me upset...this was much deeper.  I knew we were in for some tears and hugs.

She had just finished playing a really tough basketball game in which her team came up just two points short.  Her team has both won and lost this season but this loss hurt.  Their team had a number of rather questionable calls go against them and it made the game feel very much out of balance.  It created a tense situation for both teams along with the audience that was watching it all go down.  The zebras were showing their stripes tonight in full force.

After the game, you could see it in our players faces.  I think for some of them it was maybe the first time they felt that the world could be unfair...the calls sometimes don't go your way...the best effort can be undone by the perceived unbalance of others.  That's a hard lesson to learn and even more difficult to sit from a distance and watch it happen to your 11 year old daughter. 

I tend to try and give all refs the benefit of the doubt and as much grace as I can.  I umpired little league some years ago and I've had a taste of what it's like to be judge and jury.  To get it right and to get it wrong.  It can be a rather thankless job especially when you have someone come across the fence on you when you called their little Johnny out on a close call at home.  Even with my prior experience, it was hard to keep my own comments and emotions in check...and I'm not even the one out on the court... 

We all have some zebras in our lives.  I'm sure you can think of a few.  Some call the game as fairly as they can, others...not so much.  The unbalance of some can very much undo your best efforts.  In that though, we have to somehow learn to adapt, adjust, and persevere.  It is not easy to rise above the hurt, the pain, and the injustice we feel but in order to grow, it's not a suggestion, it's a requirement.

Tonight, Marlee's team had practice.  To my surprise, not a single girl was down and out about the game they had lost just the night before.  They were back, playing like it had never happened.  It was amazing to see and quite humbling.  It took some of my own feelings and put them right in front of my face.

Sometimes the world will drop some zebras in your life...when the calls don't seem go your way...regardless if you're 11 years old or 43...it's up to us to learn ways to adapt, adjust, and persevere.  

1, 2, 3...dream!!!

In the Small Moments

I sat him down with me today just to tie his little black chucks back on his feet.  His nose, crusty from the cold he seems to keep year round, mouth covered in chocolate milk and crumbs from his kids meal.  As I struggled to get his shoes on, I felt myself pull him close to me as if it had been years since I had seen him, knowing I had just seen him a few hours before I left for work.  I pulled him close to me, his fuzzy hair pressed against my face and as I often do I asked him "Sam, do you love me?"  Most of the time, as with the majority of two year olds, he would get distracted by something and not pay attention to dear old dad.  This day was different.  In this small moment, with such innocent purity and amazing clarity, he leaned into me and gently said "I love you daddy".

In that small, tiny moment...everything that was wrong with life ceased to exist for a few precious moments.  It took everything in me to fight back the tears of joy I felt welling up in my eyes.  I pulled him even closer, composed myself enough to squeak out "I love you too Sam".  He hopped down from my knee and bounced on about his day, never knowing how much those few, small words effected me...touched me...crushed me.

Life isn't lived in the huge expanse that we get lost in from day to day, life is truly lived in the small moments.  

A Whole New Reason to Make a Mix Tape

Think back...when you met that special person that inspired you to share everything you held dear.  Music, movies, food, places, thoughts, favorites, and flaws.  That person that you would stay up all night to put together the perfect mix tape.  Hours and hours toiling over something that you thought might make such an impression on them that every time they hit the play button they knew how much you loved them.  It didn't matter how long it took to collect the right songs, it meant something much deeper than the tape on the reel.  It was a part of you...part of your soul.

Years have passed since I made my first mix tape for Cindy and I remember it just like it was last night.  I also remember the the one she gave me.  I can still feel the impression it made on me to this day.  We have shared everything with each other.  Good, bad and everything in between but no matter what I remember what went into those tapes and what I got out of them.

Fast forward 20 years.  I find myself in a position to do the same thing for someone.  Actually two someones.  Two special someones that I can just let the world fill their heads with whatever it throws at them or...I can hook the computer up, plug in and go to work.  Toiling for hours...finding the right songs, movies, food, places, thoughts, favorites, and flaws to share.  Give them a a piece of me.  Show them that I care.  Let them know how much I love them.

...a whole new reason to load up their MP3 players, burn a CD...make a mix tape...

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

If you've ever been around me and my family you've met Sam.  If you've ever met Sam you usually never forget it.  He's one of those kids that rarely if ever meets a stranger (which is stupid scary for a parent but at times really funny to watch).  I often wondered why he is the way he is but more and more I see where the DNA comes from.  I'm convinced he's a true mixture of Cindy's way with people and my way with words.  A truly awesome and sometimes frightful sight to see in action...all the time.

Thankfully though, his sister Marlee is the ying to his yang.  She provides balance and keeps him somewhat in check.  At 6 years old we're already trying to prepare her for all the misadventures Sam will inevitably get the two of them into with his personality and demeanor.  If God ever forged an anchor for someone he did it for Sam with Marlee.

That being said, I wanted to share a recent conversation I had with an unsuspecting online rep for Verizon.  Once you read it you might just understand where Sam gets some of his traits from.  It was only recently that I started to see those parallels in his behavior and mine.  So for the people that enjoy Sam and his antics, you're welcome and for those that don't...get over it...he's just a kid.

You are now chatting with 'Cool Verizon Rep'

Cool Verizon Rep: Hello, welcome to Verizon Wireless sales chat! My name is Cool Verizon Rep, may I have your name, please?

allen christian: Sure, it's Allen Christian.

Cool Verizon Rep: Hi Christian! How can I assist you today/

Cool Verizon Rep: ?

Cool Verizon Rep: Sorry, Allen.

allen christian: No worries. :)

Cool Verizon Rep: How can I assist you, Allen?

allen christian: Here's my question. We're moving to random rural place, Virginia and there's only two choices we have for internet. One is "evil local internet provider" and the other is Verizon. We use our current internet at home to watch Netflix and amazon prime and normal internet usage. Would Verizon offer something that would give us the data we need that wouldn't be super expensive?

Cool Verizon Rep: We do have a broadband router and you would be able to choose the data package that suits you, however we don't currently offer unlimited data.

allen christian: What are the rates for the different data packages?

Cool Verizon Rep: They start a $20 for 2 GB and go all the way up to 50 GB $375

allen christian: Wow...I think that definitely answers my question. I really hate it's that expensive. we already have smart phone service through Verizon and we were hoping we could get internet through Verizon as well. "evil local internet provider" has really bad reviews in this area and there really isn't any other alternatives.

Cool Verizon Rep: I'm sorry about that. I know that the limited data doesn't really work for your situation.

Cool Verizon Rep: Hi, I'm just checking in, how is everything going?

allen christian: Well, we may just try to go with a dish service, drop the streaming services, and up our data on our smart phones a little to cover any other normal usage. The reviews on "evil local internet provider" honestly scare me.

Cool Verizon Rep: Yea, I know don't know much about "evil local internet provider". But it sounds like they are pretty bad in the area you’re moving to.

allen christian: We actually really like our phone service since we got them. now if you guys can get an unlimited internet data plan for $100 or under that would be awesome. :)

Cool Verizon Rep: We used to offer unlimited data but it bogged the network down. So they took it away.

allen christian: Build a bigger network. If you build it...we will come.

allen christian: Seriously...with the abysmal situation with cable companies right now Verizon would mop up the competition if they could do that.

Cool Verizon Rep: We currently offer the most reliable network in America and we have some customers who still have the unlimited data plans.

Cool Verizon Rep: The cable companies do charge too much. I pay almost $200 every month to “different but equally evil internet service provider”.

allen christian: See...you know where I'm coming from. You guys are the most reliable...now put in some super charged networks and me and you both can kiss the cable companies goodbye.

Cool Verizon Rep: I completely understand, however I don’t know if Verizon will ever offer unlimited data again.

allen christian: If amazon can deliver packages via unmanned drones...Verizon can figure out a way to make unlimited wireless internet affordable again.

Cool Verizon Rep: I haven't seen any Amazon.com drones. I thought that was just a plan. Have they started doing that?

allen christian: Watch the skies my friend. It's only a matter of time. Google already has unmanned cars for Google maps. It's definitely not a stretch for amazon to go delivery drone in the months to come.

Cool Verizon Rep: Kinda scary how advanced technology is getting. I like Fedex and UPS. I dont know if I want my package to come in a drone!

allen christian: You know it's going to be on news that some guy gets knocked out from being hit in the head with an order of toilet paper from amazon. I'll have to switch from my baseball cap to an army helmet.

Cool Verizon Rep: :D Yep. It only a matter of time. I wont be ordering anything that way.

allen christian: well let's hope for our sake that they have some good drone pilots. Not to mention that the locals around here will just try to shoot them like everything else that moves around here.

Cool Verizon Rep: Yea, Americans and their guns!

allen christian: It's rabbit season..no it's duck season..no it's drone season.

Cool Verizon Rep: Lol. Thank you so much for being nice. I really enjoyed talking to you. Some of your fellow humans can be jerks on here sometimes! :)

allen christian: You're quite welcome. I can only imagine what you guys have to put up with. I know you guys take some serious abuse so if I can be one of the nice people and even invoke a laugh every now and then maybe I can undo a little bit of what some of the rest of the species inflict upon you. You do a job, you try to get paid, you have families...you're no different than me.

Cool Verizon Rep: That's right. I think sometimes the customers lose sight of that. I try to show empathy when you guys drop your phones in the pool with no warranty or insurance and then expect me to send you a free phone but its hard! :)

allen christian: Bahaha...well no matter how idiot proof you try to make something, they'll just build a better idiot. I think the age we live in has built a society full of people that feel impatience and entitlement instead of grace and gratefulness. I break my phone, shame on me. I live in a country that breaking my phone can be remedied by buying another phone at a store 10 minutes away. That's not a problem, its a tiny inconvenience. If I had to try and protect my children from getting shot in a war zone I would have real problems.

Cool Verizon Rep: :D Its time for me to go home. Again. I thank you so much for being nice. Even though I didn't sell you anything, I wish more of my customers were like you.. You made my night a lot better! Thank you! Have a nice evening and chat back in if you ever have any questions!

allen christian: Well if I had anything to buy I would buy it from you in a heart beat. Thank you for being cool and the good conversation. Go home and enjoy your time off until your next shift.

In Our Version, the Ewok Doesn't Die

So, the kids are getting older.  Not just day by day but more so in a maturity type sense.  I figured it was time to start introducing to them some of the media I was exposed to as a kid, especially the stuff I either liked or made a profound impact on me.

This time I opted to take the less heady route (or so I thought) and reveal to them all that is Star Wars.  I chose to open their wondrous eyes to my personal favorite "Return of the Jedi".  Tons of action, the good guys win in the end and oh yeah...it has ewoks.  What's not to love about this movie?...Right?

Well, time has blanked out a considerable amount of this movie in my skull and there's nothing like finding this out 2 seconds after your kids have seen the scenes you've forgotten about.  That being said, there were 3 scenes that transformed this movie from a non-parenting, head candy for the kids type thing to a deep discussion about the loss of someone close, the relationship between father and son and the senselessness of war...I need more diet mountain dew...

The first scene shows the parting of Yoda from his faithful student Luke Skywalker.  When Yoda fades from sight the first questions are "Is he dead?" and "Is he in heaven?".  We informed our lovely and wondrous children that Yoda had in fact went on but he had went on to a better place.  He's a good guy so you do the math.  They seemed OK with this with minimal tears shed.

The next in line was when our hero Luke is saved in the end by none other than Darth Vader, his somewhat estranged father to say the least.  This actually turned out to be a very redeeming moment for our kids.  They were genuinely shocked that Vader not only defended his son, he gave his life in the process.  When faced with a society that is littered with father figures in need of redemption, I was proud to show that it's never too late to try and be a good dad.

Finally, in the big battle to disarm the deathstar of its precious force field, one of our furry little Ewok friends gets hit with some firepower from enemy fire and takes a nasty fall.  His Ewok buddy turns around to check on him and lo and behold he's not moving.  His friend falls to his knees and starts to mourn his fallen brother.  I remember this scene now as a kid.  It definitely shook me up.  No one wants to see an Ewok bite the big one, especially our kids.  Marlee was kinda down about it but recovered relatively quick.  Sam...not so much.  He held it together for a good 5 minutes before he broke down.  You have to understand Sam and if you have a kid like him, well, you just understand.  It took quite a while to convince him that our little Ewok friend was just hurt and comes back later (good thing most ewoks look similar) to kick some storm trooper tail. 

Yeah, we chose to shelter him from the harsh reality of the casualties of war this time...even if it is a fictitious one.  Maye we shouldn't have but sometimes you can't help but to become a shield from the world from time to time.  He's 6 and with an entire lifetime in front of him that will be filled with these realities.  I just couldn't deliver the bad news this time.

The Ewok lives in our house for now...because sometimes they just need to.

Counting Carries

It seems that the past few months have been nothing short of barely controlled chaos. From morning to night, it's a race from point A to point B,C,D...well you get the picture. Some days seem to not even have the time to exist before they're over.

Today was shaping up to be one of those days. A day that was blurry from beginning to end. After feeding the rug rats, it was time to shower them off and get them bedded down for the night. Most days, an evening full of the kids going crazy tests what little patience I have and by the time we get them laid down my brain is almost fried. For some reason though, this evening was different. They didn't stress me out too much so when we got them in the tub it was an enjoyable event for everyone involved. Once we got the kids washed off, we proceeded to get them out of the tub. My son turned and looked at me with his cool blue eyes and said "Carry me dad."

This has kinda been a tradition since he entered into this world. After bath time, I wrap him up in a towel and carry him to his room to get his pj's on and lay him down for the night. Yeah...it doesn't seem like much of a tradition but parents live for those little moments that their kids aren't driving them totally insane. Those little moments that help you get up in the morning to face another day.

Back to my son. He's four now and quickly going on five. He's changed so much this year and has passed up toddlerhood in the fast lane. He likes Tom and Jerry now instead of baby Einstein (which I can't blame him one bit for), he plays with action figures instead of stuffed animals and I've even noticed a little hair on his legs. Safe to say that when he asked me to carry him to his room; it's not as easy as when he was two and I could scoop him up like a rag doll.

Most nights it's hard enough to find the strength to drag myself into bed much less do anything else but tonight was different. Yeah...I was tired but when he asked me to carry him I didn't think about how tired I was or anything like that. The thought that passed before me was "I better do this while I still can". It was a small but intensely bittersweet moment.

There's nothing like your child asking you to do something you love to do for them. It warms even the coldest of hearts. On the other hand, it also forced me to face the fact that he is growing up at a staggering pace. Moreover, I've become hyper aware of how time is quietly turning against me and how limited the moments really are that I have to share with my children.

...Sometimes it's hard counting the carries until you can't anymore.